Colbert: Lingle TV for 'insomniacs, people in traction'

Jun 15, 2012

On last night's "Colbert Report," host Steve Colbert and his writers seized on the news that Linda Lingle was launching her own cable TV channel.

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Colbert's comments were preceded by the news that there was so much money flowing into political advertising that some analysts are asking if we could run out of airtime. Here's a transcript:

Luckily folks, there's an innovation in free speech from former Hawaii governor and rejected Superman love interest Linda Lingle. She is running for the senate seat vacated by Dan Akaka. Lingle is hoping to follow Akaka in Hawaii's long tradition of senators with hilarious names. She is currently trailing her likely democratic opponent by 20 points, but all that is about to change.
A U.S. senate candidate in Hawaii is giving the term 'channel surfing' a whole new meaning. Former Hawaii governor LL has launched her own cable channel. Beginning on or about June 21st, 'Lingle 2012' will be added to Oceanic Cable's digital line up, which means you'll be able to Watch her any time of the day.
That's right. Linda Lingle is using campaign funds to start her own cable channel. So now you'll be able to see her any time you turn on the TV, just like Senator Seacrest.
With 'Lingle 2012,' Lingle can reach voters who will watch 24 hours of political ads... key demographics like insomniacs, people in traction, people who can't find the remote, people trapped under a book case, empty Best Buy stores, and cats left alone with the TV for comfort.
Personally, I can't wait to see what kind of programing she'll have, from her morning show, "Aloha Lingle," to her late night sign-off, "Aloha, Lingle."
I say this breakthrough in free speech is too important to keep isolated on Hawaii like Tom Selleck or leprosy. This is the most important election of our lifetime. If money is speech, speech that informs voters, and if an informed voter is the bedrock of democracy, then for the good of this divided nation I say Obama and Romney should each get their own cable channels dedicated solely to their own election.
Oh, that was quick.